Good Night!

I can't sleep. Between being mad about my truck and sad about Jazz, there is a small amount of emotion left to be happy that Mike got to feel Bean kick me tonight.

My headache is back. Go figure.

We parked my truck at the front of the complex. I don't know how much good it'll do though. There won't be a window on the passenger side until Monday morning, so anyone could come along and just steal the whole truck!

Mike called the towing company that partners with the apartment complex to see if they would tow the Heffalumps' car. They said they would come out and put a sticker on it to warn them that it will be towed in 24 hours, but they didn't. When we got home from dinner there was no sticker on it. Maybe we'll have to call them again tomorrow. We can just bug the apartment office and the towing company every day until something gets done.

On the bright side of things, they fixed the "security gate." And I do use that term quite loosely. It' s funny when you think about it. We lived in our old apartment complex for three years and never had anything stolen from us. We moved from there because the neighborhood was going downhill fast. The Stang had been hit in the parking lot and had to be repaired, so we moved into a much nicer complex. We could only afford an apartment with a one-car garage, so the Stang, being the more valuable vehicle by about three times over, sleeps in the garage.

We never expected something like this to happen in this area. We thought we were moving away from the type of environment where these things happen. For crying out loud, someone got MUGGED on the property at our old place! We thought we would be safer in a complex where we pay almost $1000 a month to live! So much for that idea.

And I'm still upset about my little Jazz. I guess it hadn't really hit me yet that she has cancer. It didn't really become real for me until tonight. Sure, she's been in a wheelchair since the surgery, but it didn't hit me until heather said the words, "It just fell out in my hands." Even Mike got teared up over that one, and he doesn't share emotions that easily, especially in public.

Now it's REAL. Now I can't be in denial anymore. The next time I see her, the next time anyone sees her, she will look sick. I don't have any idea how I will stay strong for her. How can I walk up to her and give her a hug and tell her she's going to be OK? And I worry about Heather. What do I do for her? What about the siblings? I feel so helpless, and now's the time when I want to help the most.

But I can't make it better. Nobody can. And that really hurts.