Jazz

I got a call from Heather today. She said that Jazz still has her spirits up, which I just think is amazing.

She told Mike and me that Jazz went to bed last night with a doo-rag on her head. (That's current terminology for a bandana for those of you who don't know.) When she woke up this morning and took it off, there was hair all over it and her bed. Heather said she ran her fingers through Jazz's hair and it came out by the handful. They shaved the rest of it off.

I guess it was foolish of me to hope that Jazz would be one of the 2 or 3 percent of cancer patients who manage to keep their hair through chemo. Of course, I was the one who insisted that it would not be cancer in the first place. You just never expect it to be someone you are close to. You see and hear stories all of the time and you think, "Wow, that really sucks!"

And then someone who you love dearly gets diagnosed. Someone who has barely lived her life. An 11 year old girl, budding soccer star. She never gets sick. She rarely complains. Hell, she hasn't even finished puberty yet! She's just a little girl! And now she's dealing with and suffering from one of life's biggest challenges and all I can think is WHY HER?!

There are so many bad, evil people out there who should suffer for the things they have done. Why is it that so many innocent children have to suffer with so many horrible things? Why does such an angel have to look hell in the face? Why can't all those scientists and chemists figure out a way to reduce or even end the suffering? Our government can find the money to keep a multi-billion dollar war going, but they can't finance a cure for cancer? We put all these tax dollars into killing people half-way across the world and we can't even save the people in our own country!

I never was one to believe in "God." At least not in the sense that the First Baptist Church of Round Rock thinks everybody should. I do believe that there is some sort of cycle to the chaos in our universe, but I'm still not sure if someone is running it. I just have to ask,

Why, if there is God, is there no justice, no reason or rhyme to the goings-on in our world?"

If someone is in charge of things, how is it that so many child molesters and wife-beating pricks live long lives? Shouldn't they be the one's suffering? Cancer should be designated for evil-doers. It shouldn't be so random.

Why, if there is God, and He has some sort of plan for those who die before their lives are lived, does He feel it's necessary for them to suffer before they go to serve their purpose in heaven?

Heather told me that God does not give anyone anything that they cannot handle. She's Catholic. She lights candles for people. (She could have burned down her church by now with all the candles she set alight for the people she loves.) That works for her. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but I AM saying that He has a pretty sick way of testing the people who devote themselves to Him.

All I can think is WHY?